Last tuesday I was admitted to the looney bin aka psych hospital because of panic attacks/depression/suicidal thoughts or what I like to call “the cocktail from hell”. I walked in to the bldg already knowing i was the textbook definition of a patient who needed to be admitted. That part didn’t bother me at all. This aint my first rodeo lol.
The thing that really messed with me during the intake process was the deep rooted shame that came from me acting a damm fool the first time I came to the facillity 4 years ago. I was in such denial as a 20 year old college student who truly believed i was more so quirky & fun then bipolar. I couldnt help but be embarrased reminiscimg on how poorly i treated the doctor and other staff members. I kicked, screamed, and pretty much acted an ass until they called a c0de 10 & gave me enough geodon to knock out a walrus or chris christi haha.
I expressed this to the intake psychologist and she kindly reminded me that they homestly just want to help no grudges allowed. (Or something along the lines of that in which I cant remember at the moment blehhh) she put me at ease and I went through the treatment as open and honest as possible while of course apologizing to those familiar faces i recognized from back then.
The stormy cloud over my head is starting to clear and I am just so thankful for having another mental break 4 year later as crazy as that may sound. I was discharged last night and today has been one of my most productive days all year *cues in the “its only been 2 weeks this year” critics* 😉